Anxiety, fear, and worry. These are the three major emotions that prevent me from doing anything out of the “norm” in my life. Anxiety of the unknown, fear of what people might think of me, and worry about what I can’t control. These three feelings are what has been holding me back from taking this leap a long time ago.
I’ve never felt like I was a good writer. I write how I talk, and I talk like a Midwestern girl. I don’t use big fancy words that I can’t pronounce and I don’t have the best grammar. I always worry if my writing will be easy to follow or if it will make sense to others. Also, putting my words out there for someone else to read makes me feel so vulnerable. But isn’t that what life is about? Stepping out of your comfort zone and learning from those life experiences?
I think it’s crazy that in your early 20’s you are expected to know what you want to do for the rest of your life. I’m in my late 20’s and still have no idea what I want to do. I haven’t seen or experienced enough in my short time here to settle on one path. Making a life long decision at that age causes so much stress and fear that you will make the wrong decision. People need time to explore their likes and dislikes, what makes them happy, and what they can do to bring positivity to the world. I think everyone needs to take it slow and spend some quality time discovering all the possibilities out there.
Personally, I don’t think enough people appreciate the natural beauty around them. That’s why I want to buy a van so I can travel and explore areas I’ve never been before. That’s where the anxiety, fear, and worry comes back in. How will I afford this lifestyle? I’m hoping my current job will let me start working remote. But what if the 9-5 hours still get in the way? What will people think of me? Are people going to think I’m homeless? Sure, technically I will be, but that’s not how I see it. I think it’s the ultimate freedom. I won’t be tied down in one spot and I will be able to explore new places and meet new people. How long can I sustain living in a small space with my boyfriend and our dog? It will be a tight space for sure, but only when we are driving and sleeping. I plan on being outside most of the day.
I need to ignore all those questions that I don’t know the answer to and take it one day at a time. I want to take the leap and forget all of the things holding me back. I can figure it out along the way, right?
So for right now, we are still working our 9-5 jobs trying to save money to buy, renovate, and travel in our van. Stepping out of the box of anxiety, fear, and worry and not being afraid of what people think of me. Daydreaming of the open road and thinking of ways to afford the wanderlust lifestyle we want. I’m not sure how it will work, but I know we will get there. We HAVE to get there. Now, I can’t be 100% positive this will truly make me happy, but I am so willing to try.
In the words of one of my idols;